I’m not exactly a Festival virgin, but I’ve got more squeamish of them over the years! I was at Camp Bestival in Dorset last week, but I was there as a trader with Sisters Guild. These are my observations!

Quite handy to pre-check your tent before arriving on site, otherwise you could discover that it was put away wet and you have a mouldy bedroom.
I am useless at tent erection!
Perhaps best not to traumatise your child by a toilet visit before the main ones have been opened to the festival goers. I’d advise a trip behind a bush rather than the site portaloo that has been frequented by all of the tech crew for a week.
Warm rosé wine is not acceptable!
3 outlets for churros and chocolate at one festival – best not to discuss the merits of one over the other – they are VERY competitive.
My new silicon ear plugs from Boots – total life saver, especially as my head was only a couple of metres away from the metal trakway, which was used as some kind of golf buggy race track at night.
Mr Tumble still has massive appeal.
A windbreak makes a good modesty cover for the washing-up bowl strip wash.
A dress worn with Hunter wellies and long socks – quite a restrained fashion statement, and actually considered “hot” by a certain male companion.
It seems to be acceptable to talk about the state of the toilets and about your own toilet “status” after every visit.
The sand pit in the Kid’s Field holds more appeal to my daughter than Kid Creole and the Coconuts.
Quite handy to have a man with strong teeth as a beer bottle opener.
Best bacon buttie from the Moroccan BBQ – wowzers, I might just have to get the barbecue out to do my bacon from now on.
Can’t quite understand the fad of sporting fake animal tails – but I’d be rich if I did at £25-£35 a pop.
I can’t sing the Dick and Dom Sweary Song – although I gave it a go:

Fanny huffer, truff-nuts, fluffy truffle, botty pipes,

Ninny rag, Wim-wam bog (Poofy knickers!)

Fig pipes, Flapcrackers, Granny sack, Nally-twacks,

Pumpum-cluckcluck (Scroggage!)

Papadoids!

Scammy pamphlets!

Clop hangers, nanny nob-nobs!

When did kids start being pulled around in those carts?
I saw a raving vicar in a blow-up church and he shouted at me “ You look like you love weddings”!
Someone told us that they took their own porcelain toilet with them and lined it with a bag every time they had to “go” – that way they didn’t have to use the Festival loos!

We'll be there again next year!

Observations of a first-time Festival Trader

We'll be there again next year!