Observations of a first-time Festival Trader
I’m not exactly a Festival virgin, but I’ve got more squeamish of them over the years! I was at Camp Bestival in Dorset last week, but I was there as a trader with Sisters Guild. These are my observations!
- Quite handy to pre-check your tent before arriving on site, otherwise you could discover that it was put away wet and you have a mouldy bedroom.
- I am useless at tent erection!
- Perhaps best not to traumatise your child by a toilet visit before the main ones have been opened to the festival goers. I’d advise a trip behind a bush rather than the site portaloo that has been frequented by all of the tech crew for a week.
- Warm rosé wine is not acceptable!
- 3 outlets for churros and chocolate at one festival – best not to discuss the merits of one over the other – they are VERY competitive.
- My new silicon ear plugs from Boots – total life saver, especially as my head was only a couple of metres away from the metal trakway, which was used as some kind of golf buggy race track at night.
- Mr Tumble still has massive appeal.
- A windbreak makes a good modesty cover for the washing-up bowl strip wash.
- A dress worn with Hunter wellies and long socks – quite a restrained fashion statement, and actually considered “hot” by a certain male companion.
- It seems to be acceptable to talk about the state of the toilets and about your own toilet “status” after every visit.
- The sand pit in the Kid’s Field holds more appeal to my daughter than Kid Creole and the Coconuts.
- Quite handy to have a man with strong teeth as a beer bottle opener.
- Best bacon buttie from the Moroccan BBQ – wowzers, I might just have to get the barbecue out to do my bacon from now on.
- Can’t quite understand the fad of sporting fake animal tails – but I’d be rich if I did at £25-£35 a pop.
- I can’t sing the Dick and Dom Sweary Song – although I gave it a go:
Fanny huffer, truff-nuts, fluffy truffle, botty pipes,
Ninny rag, Wim-wam bog (Poofy knickers!)
Fig pipes, Flapcrackers, Granny sack, Nally-twacks,
Clop hangers, nanny nob-nobs!
- When did kids start being pulled around in those carts?
- I saw a raving vicar in a blow-up church and he shouted at me “ You look like you love weddings”!
- Someone told us that they took their own porcelain toilet with them and lined it with a bag every time they had to “go” – that way they didn’t have to use the Festival loos!