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Observations of a first-time Festival Trader

Posted on by Eleanor Swinhoe

I’m not exactly a Festival virgin, but I’ve got more squeamish of them over the years!  I was at Camp Bestival in Dorset last week, but I was there as a trader with Sisters Guild.  These are my observations!

  • Quite handy to pre-check your tent before arriving on site, otherwise you could discover that it was put away wet and you have a mouldy bedroom.
  • I am useless at tent erection!
  • Perhaps best not to traumatise your child by a toilet visit before the main ones have been opened to the festival goers.  I’d advise a trip behind a bush rather than the site portaloo that has been frequented by all of the tech crew for a week.
  • Warm rosé wine is not acceptable!
  • 3 outlets for churros and chocolate at one festival – best not to discuss the merits of one over the other – they are VERY competitive.
  • My new silicon ear plugs from Boots – total life saver, especially as my head was only a couple of metres away from the metal trakway, which was used as some kind of golf buggy race track at night.
  • Mr Tumble still has massive appeal.
  • A windbreak makes a good modesty cover for the washing-up bowl strip wash.
  • A dress worn with Hunter wellies and long socks – quite a restrained fashion statement, and actually considered “hot” by a certain male companion.
  • It seems to be acceptable to talk about the state of the toilets and about your own toilet “status” after every visit.
  • The sand pit in the Kid’s Field holds more appeal to my daughter than Kid Creole and the Coconuts.
  • Quite handy to have a man with strong teeth as a beer bottle opener.
  • Best bacon buttie from the Moroccan BBQ – wowzers, I might just have to get the barbecue out to do my bacon from now on.
  • Can’t quite understand the fad of sporting fake animal tails – but I’d be rich if I did at £25-£35 a pop.
  • I can’t sing the Dick and Dom Sweary Song – although I gave it a go:
Fanny huffer, truff-nuts, fluffy truffle, botty pipes,
Ninny rag, Wim-wam bog (Poofy knickers!)
Fig pipes, Flapcrackers, Granny sack, Nally-twacks,
Pumpum-cluckcluck (Scroggage!)
Papadoids!
Scammy pamphlets!
Clop hangers, nanny nob-nobs!
  • When did kids start being pulled around in those carts?
  • I saw a raving vicar in a blow-up church and he shouted at me “ You look like you love weddings”!
  • Someone told us that they took their own porcelain toilet with them and lined it with a bag every time they had to “go” – that way they didn’t have to use the Festival loos!

We'll be there again next year! 

 Lulworth Castle

Lulworth Castle

 The Shop

The Shop

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